


Lavender and Ornithogalums

by geeky_mcgeekarm



Category: The Caligula Effect (Video Game)
Genre: First AO3 fic, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, and Izuru and Kensuke went together, based on that one Lucid arc where they go the library, i physically couldnt tell if id written a romantic or platonic fic, if you dont like what it feels like to be a doll described to ur face turn away now folks, im the only person who wants this ship but i am dying on this hill, mentions of shonen doll and protagonist but nothing significant, more about his time at the library which did not seem very fun, oh yeah and some stuff about izurus past is mentioned but not too in depth, rated teen because Kensuke says shit, so it gets both tags, there's blushing but besides the very homo emotions they can be friends, two dudes chillin in a library five feet apart because theyre not gay, viva la izuru-senpai is very good-looking, we also clown on biwasaka at one point so thats fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:01:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25688497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geeky_mcgeekarm/pseuds/geeky_mcgeekarm
Summary: Kensuke and Izuru had teamed up for the club's next ambush plan, but the hallways of the library couldn't help but remind someone of what had happened here before.
Relationships: Kensuke Hibiki & Izuru Minezawa, Kensuke Hibiki/Izuru Minezawa
Kudos: 8





	Lavender and Ornithogalums

**Author's Note:**

> This is under both gen and m/m because it can be taken both ways, so it's up to the reader based on what they prefer. This is my first fic on AO3 and I hope you enjoy it! More notes at the end.

In any other typical world, Kensuke Hibiki loved libraries.

Well, not quite _loved_. He wasn’t the type to take out staggering towers of novels from the front desk and spend hours at a time pouring through every one cosied up in the corner of an armchair in the young adult section, nor was he a reclusive hermit who used such places to avoid all human contact and lash out at whoever got close.

(Kensuke had known someone of that second type already. It hadn’t ended well.)

However, there was just something about libraries that he found peace in – the scent of long-lived and long-loved tomes, shelf rows stretching further than his (admittedly short-sighted) eyes could see as though they were reaching out for even more books to embrace and preserve, a calming quiet that soothed all those blanketed with it, and undeniably comfortable sofas. There had been a few times where he’d borrowed a couple shonen manga volumes (which he insisted were something more refined to any prying eyes) after a tiring school day, settled down on a sofa with one open and let the cheesy plots and escapism of the story wash over him. Truly, they were places he admired greatly as a creator and appreciator of art.

So, in any other typical world, he would be thrilled at the concept of spending a while in one with a trustworthy clubmate to work on some extracurricular activities. Despite his few words, Izuru Minezawa was a reliable member of the Go-Home club, and thus he had been Kensuke’s partner of choice for this assignment.

“Man, I hate this library.”

“Hm?”

Izuru hadn’t looked back at him, but his tone suggested some form of morbid curiosity, so Kensuke continued. “Normally when you go in one it’s all quiet and you can chill, and you don’t have to worry about murderous music fanatics around every corner. It feels like this one is less of a library and more of a polished wooden fortress, what with the size and the constant threats on my life, it just isn’t _quite_ my thing. You understand, right Minezawa-senpai?”

“…I’ve never been allowed to go to libraries much.”

“Ah…” Kensuke hadn’t expected that for a response, though he was used to that feeling when talking to Izuru by now. He dropped his sarcastic undertone. “Well, this one’s a pretty bad first impression for them then…”

“Perhaps.” Izuru kept his pace, not in a rush but executing a walk with purpose, as they continued navigating to the set of stacks the President had assigned for them to patrol. Izuru’s strides were frustratingly difficult to match for Kensuke and his shorter stature, always either too fast to walk beside or too slow to run with, but at least he was decent enough company. A shiver went down his spine when he considered how insufferable this mission would be with someone like Eiji at his side.

(Even _more_ so if they didn’t know where they were going. Kensuke was pretty sure he owed Aria his life for the digital map she gave to Izuru.)

Whatever the case, he hoped this ambush wouldn’t take too long. The idea that any of the books here could turn him into a doll for the foreseeable future unnerved him, and loud Virtuadoll earworms blasting through the speakers quelled any hope for a moment of quiet.

(No offense to Shonen Doll on that front, though.)

“Anyway, are we there yet?”

“Does it look like we are?”

“I wish I could tell when you’re being sarcastic and when you’re not…”

Izuru didn’t stop to clarify on that front. “We’re almost at our assigned post. It should be on this floor if Aria’s map is accurate.”

Kensuke perked up slightly. “Whew, that’s a relief! I can’t stand having to avoid all these digiheads for too long, not to mention my legs are killing me.”

“I hate being around these dolls. I feel sick when I’m close to them.” Izuru’s tone shifted to something lower than his usual stoic attitude, and his gaze darkened. As much as Kensuke had wanted to keep the idle conversation light, he couldn’t exactly blame Izuru for how he felt.

He would probably be repulsed returning here as well if he had been turned into a doll for who knows how long.

Whatever the case, Kensuke didn’t want to pry much on it unless he had to. He let out a deep sigh. “This library really does suck, huh?”

* * *

“We’re here.”

Had he not been thoroughly worn out by evading digiheads and keeping up with his taller companion, Kensuke may have reacted with more enthusiasm at their destination. Alas, his tired body failed to muster up any energy, and the moment they opened the doors to the dead-end room they were calling their base of operations, he found the sofa and collapsed immediately onto it. His school blazer predictably fell off his shoulders, in turn becoming sort of small blanket resting atop him.

( _Shit_ , this was comfortable.)

“We really are… I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy to sit on a chair before, I could fall asleep…”

Several seconds passed with silence between the two of them, more noticeable now that they were further away from the main speakers. Kensuke frowned slightly. Even though Izuru was rather quiet, he didn’t usually fail to respond entirely. He looked back at him only to see him still standing at the door, staring with a look of… _something_ in his eyes. Izuru was awfully difficult to read, but even if nothing else changed, Kensuke could see they’d widened slightly, as if he were caught in a trance. That sort of look was easily recognisable on anyone.

Izuru was afraid of something.

“Minezawa-senpai, are you alright? Hey, Minezawa-senpai!”

“O-oh.” As quickly as he’d zoned out, Izuru snapped back out of it. “Yes, I’m fine.”

(So says someone who was very obviously not fine… though he wasn’t sure why he took note of that.)

Izuru entered the room properly, closing the doors behind him somewhat hurriedly and making his way over to the sofa, sitting down at the other end more carefully and with more dignity than Kensuke had bothered to use. Izuru refrained from making eye contact, leaning against the arm and staring off to the side of the room as Kensuke sat up properly and set his blazer aside. “You really sure you can handle this operation right now, Minezawa-senpai?”

(That was odd. He didn’t want to just drop the topic. There was a pain in his chest somewhere… stress maybe?)

Izuru kept his focus to his right. “I’m sure of it. I just didn’t feel well for a second. I’m okay now.”

But his soft, almost sad voice didn’t match up to his words. His left hand absent-mindedly played with a button on his unfastened longcoat. “We need to spread rumours of Mobius being fake, right? I didn’t have my catharsis effect last time, so I was back in the club room, but Biwasaka showed me how to use Gossiper’s posting function. I still don’t know how to change the little icon that shows up beside the name, but-“

“We’ll get to the rumours,” Kensuke interjected, almost surprising himself with his urgency, “once _you_ explain your sudden not-well feelings. How d’you expect to handle those musicians if they come our way and you’re not in shape to fight?”

A sudden glare from Izuru as he faced him again – he felt it was something to rival the President on their more irritable days. “I said I’m fine. Why is that not enough?”

To be honest, Kensuke hadn’t entirely understood why himself. His point about the musicians and ensuring a healthy condition was true, to give credit to himself, but if the guy said he was fine then surely he didn’t need to care any more than making sure he didn’t get knocked out in a fight, right?

But… he wasn’t able to just move on from it… it couldn’t be-

-No, wait, it could be. _Shit_.

“I- I guess it could be concern.” He hoped Izuru wouldn’t notice the stutter and panic if he kept up the air of nuanced disinterest, which always helped him feel cool in many otherwise very uncool moments. He readjusted his glasses and turned away from his suddenly rather overbearing stare. “Besides, you looked like you’d seen a ghost when you were by the door. That’s not just an illness twinge, Minezawa-senpai, you’re not that good at hiding when something’s bothered you. If anything is wrong, please tell me.”

He felt his voice crack a little. There goes the nuanced disinterest.

He wasn’t one to pry, he _knew_ that. But the fear he’d seen from Izuru had caught him off-guard. The _worry_ he’d felt when he saw that fear had caught him off-guard – and he didn’t know how to deal with those stronger emotions once that precious aloof guard of his broke. Letting those feelings control him was a commitment, and he’d sure as hell made mistakes going through with those in the past.

(He’d gone and committed on this one, if only to make that sudden burning worry go away.)

“…You’re sounding like Aria. She never quits until she gets an answer. It’s bothersome.”

Izuru readjusted himself, staring back towards the stacks on the right again and lacing his non-occupied hand through his soft grey hair. “I don’t want anyone’s concern.”

* * *

_Izuru’s heart… do you want to dive deeper?_

_> Dive in< Don’t dive in_

* * *

He became quieter. “But I suppose you won’t stop until I tell you.”

Well, _somehow_ it hadn’t gone wrong yet. At least Izuru would be the one talking now, though Kensuke hadn’t even imagined his pushing would actually work. He was always the type to keep his nose out of the troubles of others – quite possibly why he had fitted into the musicians so easily before – so he wasn’t used to this sort of thing. He’d seen the other Go-Home Club members have outbursts or relapses in their usual expressions, _dropping the mask_ so to speak, so why Izuru?

( _Because he, too, felt empty. He had been trapped in a place in his life where the only escape had been Mobius. Nobody had liked him for who he truly was, deep down, and the emptiness of that loneliness had shut his heart off from the commitment of any serious friendships. Just like Kensuke._ )

( _That resonance meant he began to care beyond the harmless but ultimately superficial friendship he had with the rest of the Go-Home Club, and thus his own mask became ever easier to break… and so he wanted to know why Izuru was afraid._ )

“This was the room in which I was turned into a doll.”

He paused. The next words seemed hard to form for him. “I thought the path we were taking was familiar, but I didn’t realise until we arrived. When we entered this room, it all came back to me – when I first picked up a book in here, and…” he let out a long sigh before continuing. “It was cold. I had the barest awareness that I couldn’t move, that my eyes and ears had been pierced, that my body wasn’t my own. Even if I had been able to move, I wasn’t able to scream for help, as my mouth had been sewn shut. It was all painless, but… my body wasn’t mine to control. My senses had all been cut. I was hardly able to think. That feeling is… I didn’t understand it as an emotion at the time, but think it can only be described as terrifying. And I felt it for weeks until Shonen Doll was defeated.”

His voice shook a little. “It’s ironic… I came to Mobius to escape my mother controlling my every move, and yet I almost ended up exactly the same way here. I… I never want to be a puppet for someone else to use as they please ever again.”

The distant music seemed further off than ever. For the first time, Kensuke thought about what could have happened if a speaker were inside this room, but quickly halted himself. Not all the enemies they faced in this library were digiheads.

“So, that’s why I felt unwell when we came in. Is that all?”

“…I’m sorry.”

Izuru’s only movement was a vague tilt of his head, but it was enough to tell Kensuke that he hadn’t expected that. “…Why are you apologising?”

Kensuke readjusted his glasses somewhat awkwardly. “I made you bring up some bad memories for my own selfish reasons. I was… worried, so I wanted to know, but it wasn’t fair of me. What you went through was something I could never understand, and it wasn’t my place to ask. I…”

He couldn’t find the words to continue. There was silence between the two of them for a few seconds, though it didn’t feel much like one with the morbid atmosphere bearing down on him.

(All he wanted was for Izuru to not be hurting, and now…)

“…Thank you.”

_Thank you_. He could still hear it after it had been said, blocking out everything else in his mind. Izuru’s response should’ve been the opposite, it made no sense, but it couldn’t be denied that those words were said. Though his thoughts had become scrambled beyond cohesion by such a simple phrase, he made an attempt at a response.

“…H-huh?”

(…well, it was better than nothing.)

Izuru turned to face him once more, though his previous glare had become something calmer and less defensive. “I don’t know why, but now that I’ve told someone else about it… I feel lighter. My chest still hurts whenever I think about what happened, but you haven’t ridiculed or undermined me for it. I thought I would only be reopening an old wound when you asked, and it was difficult to say, but… thank you.”

Heat rose into Kensuke’s face. He could only hope he wasn’t blushing. “How can you say those sorts of things so honestly, Minezawa-senpai? I-it’s not like it’s a bad thing, but still!”

A shrug. “You’re very strange, Kensuke, though it’s not like that’s a bad thing either.”

He sighed again, though it sounded more like relief this time. “I won’t be able to erase what took place in this room, nor do I think it will stop haunting me when I’m at my lowest. But it is what it is. I don’t need nor want anyone’s sympathy, but… I appreciated having your attention. You don’t have to feel like you need to apologize for bringing up my fears, or not being able to understand them. You’re easy to talk to because you listen to what I say. You don’t act like I’m strange, or talk over me because I can’t always find the right words. Maybe…”

Izuru turned somewhat pink and glanced off to his side as he finished. “…Maybe that’s why I didn’t mind opening up to you.”

Neither of them spoke after that. Kensuke attempted to find a response to Izuru’s feelings, but every thought dissipated in a mess of overthinking before it could be said. That heat hadn’t left him, continuing to flush his face a bright red and in general being incredibly embarrassing. He was glad that the rest of the Go-Home Club wasn’t present, or his cool appearance would be shattered instantly.

It was only when the speakers in the hallway outside spontaneously cut the usual loop it played that the two of them were shaken out of their own heads. Even in here, the heavy dubstep motif was easily recognisable.

“Shit, we took too long.” Kensuke stood up on instinct, wincing when the pain of the walk he had taken returned to his legs. “We need to get to converting these digiheads before that new musician Lucid gets the jump on us.”

“Absolutely.” Izuru stood up too, rather obviously glad for a distraction from his sudden nervousness. “Let’s get those Gossiper rumours circulating.”

Kensuke nodded, pulling his phone out from an inside pocket of his blazer. “Oh, and about that icon of yours. I’ll show you how to add one later.”

“I don’t need one.”

“I know, I know. But a guy’s gotta say thank you in return somehow, right?”

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so I know I am the only person who ships these two but I was really into the concept of Kensuke n Izuru returning to a place that had been highkey sucky for Izuru and seeing how both he and Kensuke dealt with that, plus a lil character study into how Kensuke deals with more serious friendships bc he always comes off as someone who BSODs at the first sign of serious emotions and protects himself from the commitments of those w cyncism and seeing that break is very rare. I also added the heart dive bit bc I remember in the anime he essentially took protag's place doing that so it made sense lmao. But yeah I love these two idiots a lot and I tried as hard as I could to make sure they weren't OOC or anything and I'm gonna be dying on this ship hill bc they are so good


End file.
